| Well, well, well. |
[23 Mar 2009|04:32pm] |
It was my birthday yesterday. I am now twenty-three years old.
I tried to buy something for myself, like normal people do on this day, but I failed to find anything I wanted. Then I went to my brother's house, played the guitar he gave me as a present and ate dinner at Gateway to India. Then came home, feeling kind of despondent, chugged a beer and sat on the floor next to the heater for possibly too long.
I had to cancel a job interview that would have been this morning because it turned out that the location was almost impossible to get to by bus, and that's one of my only requirements. I'm so tired of writing cover letters (everyday! all day!) and never, ever getting anything back. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME. At least I don't live in Detroit I guess. I hear their unemployment rate is something like 23%. Jesus.
I'm gonna go up to Seattle at some point this week.
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| Christ Jesus |
[16 Feb 2009|11:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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cookies + beer = dinner. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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"Ashamed" - Deer Tick |
] |
Librarything.com deleted my entire catalog. I was only a fraction through, but just when I get the motivation to do a bit more, it's all gone. I don't know why.
I feel so alienated.
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| The New Russian Hero |
[13 Jan 2009|04:24pm] |
So I've applied to the open Development Coordinator position at the Vera Project (for which I am, surprisingly, abundantly qualified). The Vera Project is an all-ages, public space for music performance, art projects, craft classes and other potentially wholesome events with no drugs or alcohol. Needless to say I've never been there.
I did as best as I could with the cover letter, but they asked for a writing sample "if available." I don't have any copies of previous grants I've written, which would have been perfect, but I figured I've done so much successful writing during school that something I have in my school folders would do as well. Too bad all I have are dense, lengthy papers on things like "The Dangers in a Rawlsian Conception of Justice" or the GSPC in Algeria.
In some inexplicable move of poor judgment, I attached an excerpt from a paper I don't completely remember writing on the role of chernukha film in post-Soviet society. I don't want to go through the details of it, but basically if my potential employer gets through it he will have essentially read roughly four pages of spiraling philosophication on how poorly-shot, dirty Russian movies that signify the complete rejection of culturally-accepted moral "goodness" helped to positively reshape national identity.
My thinking at the time was "Ah, well, this will show some intellectual rigor when it comes to thinking about the role of arts in society," not, "This paragraph about depictions of underage sex and drug use might rub someone the wrong way."
And there in lies, perhaps, my whole problem in life.
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| Make dip it's lovely |
[15 Oct 2008|10:00pm] |
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I'm in Konya at a hotel right now. Before this it was Greece (Athens, Paros, Santorini, Syros, Samos) then Kuşadası, Selçuk, Denizli, Pamukkale and now here...Then off to Görme/Cappadocia, Ankara, then İstanbul. Then Frankfurt.
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| I'm having Clayton Moore's baby, but he doesn't talk to me anymore. |
[17 Jul 2008|06:35pm] |
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I'm pretty sure I got him completely wrong.
I think I was just overeager to be close and I mistook his interest in me as coming from a place of friendliness. Teasing for charm. Sleaze for passion. Impotence for nerves.
Oh! Okay, okay that last one was low (albiet mostly true). I just really want to do something about it, yeah? And maybe this is due to my unfortunate upbringing, but it feels good to make jerks feel like jerks, you know? Ignoring me and other human beings is generally just not alright. I live for those moments, among other things.
Other than that, no other news. Working. Daydreaming. Occasional narcotics. Same.
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| Is That Creepy? |
[05 May 2008|12:03pm] |
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For the last three days I've worked with this older man named John. I have an odd, platonic fascination with him because he seems so cinematic. Like a character out of that movie Me and You and Everyone We Know. In a constant state of hungover and displaced sadness, but busy and skipping cigarette breaks. Self-deprecating and soft-spoken and unbendingly honest. He trips on his words sometimes and waves like a child when I walk past him on the pier during my lunch break. He reminds me of routine. And subsistence.
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| Attack of the Biwi Brigade (or: Getting Out O'the Bind) |
[26 Mar 2008|09:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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tapering off the meds-like. |
] |
I'm going out on a limb here. A potentially flimsy one. But I read "Why women hate Hillary" an opinion piece by Susan J. Douglass and a note by Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz on why "women" are for (or implicitly should be for) Hillary.
Both made me cringe hardcore.
There's a strange dichotomy between the supposed "success" of feminisms in contemporary issues, and the intractable, continuing problem of gender insubordination.
Her cleavage (the sexualized anatomy of females), her tears on national television (emotionality), her daughter's involvement in her campaign (motherhood), her husband's opposing viewpoints (her wifehood) and the word "bitch" seem to be the gendered contexts in which Clinton is usually discussed. There's holes in this case study, but I think this an okay example in the downfall of gender discourse in America, at least during the election season.
Every time we analyze how society constructs difference on the bodies of women we end up linking anatomy to culture, a lingering biology. And the word "women" becomes a useful term in which to demand change. "Women" becomes a category to be analyzed, and this inevitably brings us back to referring to women as subjects with history and as agents who change it. It oddly suggests that there is universality (or nationality) in the feminine, which invokes biological sex as the given on which society constructs difference.
Take, for example, Douglass' bizarre words:
"If she’s a feminist, how could she continue to support this war for so long? If she’s such a passionate advocate for children, women and families, how could she countenance the ongoing killing of innocent Iraqi families, and of American soldiers who are also someone’s children? If it would be so revolutionary to have a female as president, why does she feel like the same old poll-driven opportunistic politician who seems to craft her positions accordingly?"
Hillary, according to Douglass, "seems to want to be a man." In other words, Hillary has not expressed enough stereotypical femininities for her to be relatable to "progessive feminists" (wtf to Douglass), and in doing so has masked her feminism under trying to be a man. The answer? "If Hillary Clinton wants to be the first female president, then maybe, just maybe, she should actually run as a woman."
It is a myth that political representation of women will lead to gender equality. There is naivete in thinking that women in government can change the position and condition of women, or that "women" as "women" can change the nature of power and practice of development and politics. Empirically, there is little evidence for this (hence the subject), and if Hillary is meant to be a purveyor of "women's" interests then in a way she is reduced to a token authority; "women" in politics will come with an agenda.
I'm all for breaking down the male as a standard of education and political competence but in doing so, people like Douglass and Schultz are making a colossal mistake. Instead of a "sisterhood" based on being "women," they should construct coalitions that acknowledge difference. They should be talking about the politics of gender subordination, not the politics of identification as a woman or a feminist.
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| 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 17 |
[17 Mar 2008|06:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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client 9 |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sounds of outside nuzzling against my walls. |
] |
Going home today there was a leprechaun on the bus.
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| Vitamin D |
[11 Feb 2008|11:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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shampoo. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Margie Evans - "Evil Gal Blues" |
] |
The NY Times delegate numbers freaking suck.
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[18 Jan 2008|02:35pm] |
Dalgacı Mahmut (Mahmud, the Loafer)
All I do is this;
I paint the sky every morning
While you are asleep.
You get up and see it's blue.
The sea is ripped occasionally.
You don't know who sews it back.
I do.
I fool around from time to time too.
This is also my job.
I think of a head in my head.
I think of a stomach in my stomach.
I think of a foot in my foot.
I don't know what the hell to do.
--Orhan Veli
Translated by Murat Nemet-Nejat, 1989
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| The Devil and Daniel Johnston |
[28 Nov 2007|07:15pm] |
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I think the music and life of Daniel Johnston are really interesting. But I have yet to see the documentary.
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| Farm Bill 2007 - Obviously I only speak for myself. |
[19 Nov 2007|01:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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this took way too long. |
] |
It is only every five years that the United States Farm Bill comes up for Congressional reauthorization. In my opinion it's the single most important piece of legislation in the US, aside from, maybe, the Constitution (but even that's debatable). It is a highly complex bill, full of internal contradictions and even food policy experts say that it is almost impossible for one to fully understand all of its implications. For that reason, the Farm Bill is virtually out of the public eye--and even further from the mind--despite the fact that it impacts everything from what kind of food is available for WIC and food stamp vouchers for low-income families, what children are served for school lunches, environmental degradation, desertification and conservation funds to export markets and rural farmers in the Third World.
The underlying Agricultural Act that this is all based upon was created in 1949 (PL 89-349) which subsidized American farms to create a surplus to be exported to "friendly" developing nations for a low-price, usually lower than the cost of production (this is also called "food dumping"). It's the first agricultural public law to become legally permanent. Many proponents of the bill argue that it is a useful tool in aiding the global poor by giving them low-priced food, in addition to protecting the business and livelihood of American farms. But what it really does in the long-term is damage the domestic markets of those recipient countries by lowering the competitiveness of their local, small scale farms. An example: in Jamaica, oranges and carrots from California are often sold for a price reduced by 167%, a price that Jamaican farmers simply cannot compete with without taking heavy losses. As a result, many farms have simply gone out of business or been absorbed into American or trans-national corporations (TNCs). Closer, the subsidization of Washington State apples have essentially demolished the apple industry in Chihuahua where they are being sold for less than 16 cents (again less than the cost of production), leading to more urban migration and unemployment.
( Today's process goes something like this )
( Lobbying and fund appropriation )
Ever wonder why high fructose corn syrup is in everything despite how unhealthy it's proved to be? Or why there are nutritionless wheat- and soy-based fillers in cheap bread and processed foods? Or why local organic fruits and vegetables are so much more expensive than non-organic produce imported by Dole or Del Monte? Ever wonder why some foods like white Wonderbread, powered skim milk, and fatty meats are associated with the lower class? The answer does not lie in any American propensity for laziness or bad taste, but in this piece of legislation.
( The Big 5 )
( Impact on food stamp vouchers and US meal programs )
( CDC Statistics on the matter )
( A Fair Farm Bill )
Luckily! 2007 is one those voting years. Right now there's a couple amendments are on the table that may provide a start in reformation.
The Lugar-Lautenberg Farm Ranch Equity Stewardship and Health (FRESH) Amendment will provide a more effective safety net for all farmers regardless of what they grow or where they farm. The amendment reinvests $16 billion in savings over five years into several programs: $1.5 billion will go to the new support for specialty crop farmers; $2.0 billion will go to improve diet and health; $6.2 billion will go to invest in popular conservation programs; $4.3 billion will go to help more hungry Americans; $3.0 billion will go to reduce the federal deficit; and $1.6 billion will go to support investments in renewable energy. The amendment will also bring our farm policy into compliance with international trade rules--removing the threat of retalitation.
The Grassley-Dorgan Payment Limits Amendment will place a real limit on the amount of money any one entity can receive, and it will close loopholes that allow some producers to evade limits altogether. This amendment will level the playing field for family farms and rural communities by producing budget savings that can be reinvested into programs-such as nutrition, conversation, and rural development that deliver enhanced social benefits.
( How to contact your Senator and What to Say )
Links:
USDA Farm Bill website to read the full text and transcripts of Senate debates
UC Berkeley teach-in on the Farm Bill with Michael Pollan and Ken Cook, et al.
The Farm Subsidy Database where you can track where funds go, as well as a blog on agriculture, farm policy, and food safety
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| Only Four More Months |
[15 Nov 2007|05:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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worried. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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tummy |
] |
Hello all you wonderful, well-rested people.
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| I'm an island! |
[02 Oct 2007|11:42pm] |
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music |
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i've cracked, and now I'm going to hall health. |
] |
I want Derren Brown to come to my apartment and trick me into believing that I'm awesome at everything.
I think all my life I've had this really bad feeling of that saying "Everywhere you go, there you are." I remember being 6 or 7 and being completely devastated at the conscious realization that no one ever gets to experience the world as anyone else.
If you've seen me in the last month, you've heard this, but I feel a desperate need to move out of Seattle. I want to go where real people live. I want every street to be quiet and sleepy and have a nice view of the mountain. And more, I want to be as far away from the university as possible. So far that I forget every experience I had there.
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| The Most Succinct Word |
[17 Sep 2007|11:32pm] |
Mamihlapinatapai (sometimes misspelled mamihlapinatapei) is a word from the Yaghan language of Tierra del Fuego, listed in The Guinness Book of World Records as the "most succinct word", and is considered one of the hardest words to translate. It describes a look shared by two people with each wishing that the other will initiate something that both desire but which neither one wants to start. This could perhaps be translated more succinctly as "eye-contact implying 'after you...'". A more literal approximation is "ending up mutually at a loss as to what to do about each other".
The word consists of prefix ma(m)- reflexive/passive (second m before roots beginning with a vowel), root ihlapi (hl pronounced as /ɬ/, though in Yahgan it has also been described as similar to sl) which means to be at a loss as to what to do next, followed by stative suffix -n- and achievement suffix -at(a), and finally dual -apai, which in composition with ma(m)- has a reciprocal sense.
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| Don't Tap on the Glass |
[14 Sep 2007|09:42pm] |
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No news, really. I've been passing free time by cutting pictures out of old issues of ARTnews from the 70s and making tea while it's still cold out in the morning. Been pondering a lot about what I need to do to in the next year. But, tonight I'm going to put flannel sheets on the bed.
My real problem is that I can't answer reception phones. It's too stressful.
On a much better note, Sheikh Hamdan is or is going to be married to Sheikha Yasmine. At least that's the word on the street. I'm glad.
I like to think of Fazza3 as his alternate personality, not just a pen name for his poetry. Look at how epic he is in this:
I think he should go to Hollywood, on top of being a prince of Dubai. Ashley Judd already loves him.
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| Chariot |
[20 Aug 2007|10:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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peng! |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Hidden Cameras - "Fee Fie" |
] |
I was on the bus to work one day and this old woman with a thick New York accent boarded and sat next to me. "You look friendly." Actually, I had seen her on the sidewalk and the whole time I was repeating to myself "Don't sit next to me, don't sit next to me" because I had an encounter with her before and knew she'd try to make small talk, and I wasn't in the mood. She complimented my hair (?) and my "complexion." Before she got off on campus she asked me if I was going to the university. "No, but I was involved in the Arabic program." Later, it becomes clear that she doesn't know that Arabic is widely spoken in many countries in continental Africa. She segues into talking about her volunteer work in Israel. She scowls and starts a sentence with "You always knew when you were in an Arab town when--..." She looks at me for an embarrassed split second, then darts her eyes elsewhere. "...well, I shouldn't be telling you this."
I don't really know what the point of that story was other than leading up to saying that I basically hate her.
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In other news, I've been tryyyying to read Peter Høeg's Borderliners but something about this book is very irritating and boring. So, I think I'm stopping. On that note, I'm taking suggestions for fiction. I just remembered that I very much liked Chip Kidd's novel. I wish there were more.
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